Should a nanny be allowed to have her boyfriend over to your house? If so, how late should he be allowed to stay?

I don't feel that they should come over other than to pick her up and go to a movie or something else. It is my house and her bedroom is right below ours.

Hi David,

As a nanny myself these are questions I make sure to clear up befor getting employed(it saves trouble in the long run). I am not sure about the legality of this issue though to me it seems that this is not a lease situation. She is an employee in your home so you should have say over who enters your home and at what time. Some parents wouldn't mind a boyfriend in the house(I certainly wouldn't work for someone who did, because I am an adult and reserve that choice for myself and no one else.) Though everyone has different values and it is your right to have those. I just think this definatley should have been addressed befor she moved in. Be prepared to loose your nanny over this issue. There are also legal issues that could be involved. I don't know if this was helpfull but either way I wish you good luck in dealing with this sensitive issue!

-Morgan

I've been a professional nanny for over 30 yrs. I have worked for Doctors, Lawyers, Judges, and National football Players. I have never heard of such disrespect for an employer's home. This is your job. Be glad. You should not look to even have too many phone calls. This is not your playtime,this is work time. Ma'am I so sorry that you have to pay someone to disrespect you and your home. Even if she is a live-in,she has days off, don't she. If I can be of assistance please give me a call at my home
[Edited by Host] I'm looking for p-t work also.. Thanks alot- you are blessed

***Message from Host***
Contact info deleted Please do not post Contact info in the forums.
If you would like to set up a profile please go here to log in
www.indeed.com/my/profile Also please be cautious when sending your information to anyone on the forums.

I couldn't disagree more with Elizabeth. Yes sure it's the families home, but they have made the choice to have a live-in nanny. Even though she doesn't pay rent, she does live at the house, and certainly has the right to a life. If this is a problem for a family, then I think you were born in the wrong century, slavery anyone? I don't know of any nanny, and I know my fair share, that works 24 hours a day, so why would they not have a boyfriend, or just a visitor, over in the privacy of their room, or take phonecalls? A friend of mine comes over every week, and we hang out in my room or even the kitchen or tvroom. Of course if the family is already in a certain room, we go somewhere else. They actually like it when I have a visitor over, be it a friend or my boyfriend, because it's just a little thing they can do to make my life better, as I make their childs life better. And a happy nanny does a better job. Happy nanny, happy baby

I too go with the context of Elizabeth. I think the privacy of the host family no more exists. As Elizabeth said she might be having her days off when she can plan to meet her boyfriend and all other stuff.
www.daycaresurvey.com

well, completely agree with Elizabeth. The nanny who replied saying that she would not work for a family that minds if she brings someone over should make that very clear when getting hired because parents might not even think of asking something like that since common sense would dictate that you dont bring play to work. Plus these days you never know what that boyfriend might do the sitter might be a good hearted person with a really bad judgement of character where a child gets hurt at the hand of a boyfriend is a story heard often.

In response to Elizabeth:

I completely agree with you that during working hours it is completely disrespectful to have a guest in the home, but a live-in nanny does not typically work 24/7. By law a live-in nanny must have specified work hours. They typically work forty hours a week, and need to be paid overtime if they work more than that. I'm sure you already know all this, having such prestigious clients. That being said, a live-in nanny does not only work in a home, she lives there, and since she isnt always working there is room for playtime, playtime that would in no way be disrespect to enjoy as long as it was done outside of working hours. Regardless of the fact that there is nothing innately wrong or disrespectful with a nanny bringing a boyfriend into her own personal space during none-working hours don't you think it is for the employer and employee to work out themselves?

Take care of your own kids. You had them, you are responsible for them. Stop dumping them on other people to take care of them because you don't want to.

I think that the nanny shouldn't have her boyfriend over at anytime .and don't have a boyfriend so you will not have to worry about that.

"And don't have a boyfriend so you will not have to worry about that"?
Again, what century do you think we live in? As a nanny I give up part of my personal live, because of my working hours. And I don't mind one bit, I love my job. But to tell people to not have a boyfriend? I can only hope Shawniece is joking. No nanny works 24/7 all year long. And everyone, be it a lawyer, doctor, garbagecollector or nanny, has the right to have a personal life. A right to persue happiness in whatever way they see fit. I cannot be blamed for falling in love, and having a relationship, for trying to be happy and living my life. I do not have guests while I'm working, but when I'm off, my time is mine, as is the choice on where to spend it and with who.

Here is a thought. How about a nanny dating someone that isn't a loser and has his own place they can go to. The same people who keep asking what century this is, need to ask themselves that very question..there are lots of creeps out there and in this century more disturbing crimes against people in general..and its hard enough to trust and really know your nanny much less someone who you don't have the luxury of doing a background check on. I do want to take care of my own kids, that's why we don't allow over night visitors or men in our home even when our nanny is off duty...coming over to pick them up, etc. fine..staying for hours, I don't think so..if nannies don't like that, then they should live out or find a boyfriend that has their own place and both go there.

This is the exact reason why I WILL NOT ever be a live-in nanny. I would never feel like I was at home. I would feel like I was constantly at work, which I would be. I want a place of my own to come home to. I want to be able to play my music, dance, go out, have friends over, have my pets, etc....and all that is restricted or not allowed at all.

I own a nanny placement agency South of Boston, I feel that if it is during the nannies set hours during the week then no she should not be able to have her boyfriend over, however if you are asking her to sit on a weekend night and the kids will be in bed then I think that is fine as long as you trust her. Hope this helps!

If she is a live in nanny and over 18 then I would see it in the same as if she were renting a room. It is still your house and your kids are involved. I agree that this probably should have been addressed before, but since there's no turning back time; could you meet the boyfriend? I think she has a right to her time, but you have a right to choose who is in your house and around your kids.

I am not a nanny. I am a legal assistant. Not one of you hit on the issue of:
1. Having a man in your house that you do not know.
2. You have not done a background check on.
3. He has access to your children.

That's the children's home - not the nanny's. The man may be safe. However, even in a modern world, children are still "of innocent thinking."

If those people have enough money to afford a nanny, they are bringing their children up a certain way. They would not condone a woman - not married - having a sleepover.

Unless the boyfriend has been "preapproved" by the parents, he should not be over ever other than to pick her up to go somewhere. A sleepover - do it at his place.

I am corrected. Melinda did hit on it.

As stated, it is crucial for expectations to be laid out before employment begins. Since we nannies are real employees, there are Employment Agreements to be signed, Confidentiality Agreements to be signed, Job Descriptions, and Employee Handbooks that are clear about expectations and the boundaries that the employer (the family) is comfortable with. I don't take a job unless the expectations are clear. I also won't take a job that pays off the books. My boss's payroll company uses GTM and they process the payroll and provide official employment documents. My employer gives me copies of everything so I always have the resource. If my employer tries to change anything, it also protects me to point out that the employee handbook says otherwise, etc. Anyways, I'm just saying that expectations need to be up front. Send your employer to www.gtm.com. They give free consultations too.

Amanda hit the nail on the head. Make sure all expectations and agreements are met in the beginning. My wife was a nanny for 8 years before we started www.thecarepost.com and that job turned out to be a lot more than what she signed up for. Just make sure both parties are in agreement before hand.

Joe in Stamford, Connecticut said: Take care of your own kids. You had them, you are responsible for them. Stop dumping them on other people to take care of them because you don't want to.

well said , Joe!!!

Good input, everyone. A couple extra thoughts. First, we had a neighbor with a nanny whose boyfriend was allowed to visit. Half a year into her job, the nanny became pregnant. Did it happen on the job? Who knows, but the thought isn't a pretty one.

Second, there's nothing illegal with allowing a nanny's boyfriend in the house. But practically it could be a very bad idea. The nanny might be distracted and not watch the children carefully. Or the boyfriend might steal something from the house.

Third, this is something that should be raised in the hiring process and included in the nanny contract. If the parents don't have a nanny contract, they can find one online, such as at www.mynannycontract.com/ or by asking their nanny placement agency.

HI, I AM WORKING IN ONTARIO FROM LAST FWE MONTHS AS A NANNY. SO I WOULD LIKE TO CONFROM THAT CAN I DO VOLUNTREE IN ANY SCHOOL OR DAYCARE CENTER?