Homer Simpson

Safety Inspector

1998 to Present

* Strengthened safety procedures that resulted in 75% fewer accidents on days I was absent.
* Pioneered workplace stress-reduction methods that worked for at least one employee.

Chief of Police

2002 to 2002

* Broke up weasel-selling ring.
* Secured community support in almost-successful effort to expel organized crime from city.

Bartender

2001 to 2001

* Engaged patrons in witty, whimsical, avuncular dialog covering topics such as the arts,
philosophy, politics, and spectator sports.
* Launched remodeling project that led to 100% reduction in clientele (including myself).

Beer Baron

March 1997 to March 1997

* Implemented construction of elaborate pipe network to evade detection of authorities

* Self taught brewer/explosives expert

Astronaut

1994 to 1994

Averted in-flight disaster by forcing giant ants out of cockpit during space shuttle mission.

Owner, Chief Marketing Officer, and Chief Driver for Snow-Plowing Business

1992 to 1993

* Boosted business 15% by executing late-night TV marketing campaign targeting homeowners
who were too wasted to shovel their driveways.
* Deliberated at length before rescuing man trapped beneath mountain avalanche.

Game Mascot

1990 to 1990

Generated 25% increase in fan interest and 50% jump in beer sales by leading cheers at home
games for minor league baseball team.

Bowling Lackey

1988 to 1989

* I have mad skills operating the Shine-O-Ballo.
* Good customer service skills, except when I fired a shotgun to attract customers.

Singer

1985 to 1986

Lead singer and songwriter for the barbershop quartet, the Be Sharps. Won a grammy in 1985.

Employee

1981 to 1981