Very Shy introvert, need a job?

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Comments (9)

vivalacarlo in Elmhurst, New York

71 months ago

Alright, I have a problem, I am 17 years old living in New York City and I am planning to work at a local bestbuy in the summer. Problem is, is that I can't hold conversations too long before it becomes too awkward. when I present in class i stutter a lot and when introducing myself to individuals i would freeze up a lot. I have never had an interview in my life so this will be hard. The closes thing i had to public speaking was last year for my english class where i had to teach the class for 20 minutes about a book i read which ended up badly getting an average grade from all my classmates of a 74. I think to myself and think about how the hell would i get a job in the future? I have been trying to take steps at curing this but i still stumble a lot, what can i do? what jobs are good for my situation in the future?

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Cheshire in Mississauga, Ontario

71 months ago

There are also very limited jobs (and none that come to mind) that won't require you to interact with others. No point in trying to narrow yourself down to a job category. Like I said, don't put those kinds of limits to yourself.

I've taken my own advice and I can see that it works. Nothing will make you get out of your comfort zone other than just doing it.

Good luck.

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benny02gt in Queens Village, New York

71 months ago

Vivala, I have been there when I was your age. I was very introverted and suffered social anxiety in social settings. I was on antidepressants which had helped for a short time but in my case the effects tend to wear off after 6 months. Doctor's would switch meds as an alternative but some of these meds had side effects which made it difficult to be on. Looking back I saw that I had a lack of confidence and self esteem. If I could do it all over again I would have enrolled in a martial arts or boxing program. I've seen several documentaries on MMA fighters who got into martial arts cause they were shy and timid. The skills they learned helped to build up there self esteem and confidence. Today some of these fighter are over confident.

If you don't get the job at best buy I would recommend working at the library. It's an easy job. You will have to attend people when you checkin/checkout books. The other half of the job is shelving books and preparing new books for circulation.

Hope this helps...

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benny02gt in Queens Village, New York

71 months ago

Vivala, I have been there when I was your age. I was very introverted and suffered social anxiety in social settings. I was on antidepressants which had helped for a short time but in my case the effects tend to wear off after 6 months. Doctor's would switch meds as an alternative but some of these meds had side effects which made it difficult to be on. Looking back I saw that I had a lack of confidence and self esteem. If I could do it all over again I would have enrolled in a martial arts or boxing program. I've seen several documentaries on MMA fighters who got into martial arts cause they were shy and timid. The skills they learned helped to build up there self esteem and confidence. Today some of these fighter are over confident.

If you don't get the job at best buy I would recommend working at the library. It's an easy job. You will have to attend people when you checkin/checkout books. The other half of the job is shelving books and preparing new books for circulation.

Hope this helps...

Reply

Endoftheworld in Glastonbury, Connecticut

71 months ago

vivalacarlo in Elmhurst, New York said:

For 17 you are certainly very self aware and future oriented! I was voted Quietest in my HS class and did not even realize others saw me that way or actually that they even noticed me at all.
In any event I hated the label of "quiet and shy" esp. as I am not really "shy", tho I do tend to keep my thoughts to myself, since am the type of person to overthink things before I say them and then of course analyze things afterwards.
When I was in school and had to give reports to the class I'd take off my glasses so they'd all be a big blur, but this only worked till like the 9th gr. when I could no longer read my notes w/o holding them inches from my nose.

Are you actually shy/bashful or perhaps have a mild anxiety disorder? If you are truly looking to change, I'd ask my parents if I could go see a therapist or maybe go talk to the school psychologist.
You can also talk to the Guidance Counselor about jobs that don't involve one to be always "on" and in the spotlight such as sales, there are actually lots of jobs with minimal interaction, think accounting, computers, writing, any type of repair jobs like electricians, plumbers etc. Any job will have some kind of interaction but most "shy" people are OK with one on one vs. presenting powerpoint presentations to a group or having to supervise a team, etc.
I disagree with advice on "forcing" oneself to do things one is not comfortable with or does not really want to do. This can utterly backfire and make you feel worse. For ex. forcing yourself to go to a party, then standing around feeling all tongue tied and embarrassed can lower your self esteem even more. The advice "they" always give is to find the other unattached quiet person and talk to them, this is the worst advice possible, it is better to try to insert yourself into a chatty group though it may seem awkward at first vs. trying to talk to someone who may be more socially awkward than you.

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Cheshire in Mississauga, Ontario

71 months ago

Endoftheworld in Glastonbury, Connecticut said:
I disagree with advice on "forcing" oneself to do things one is not comfortable with or does not really want to do. This can utterly backfire and make you feel worse. For ex. forcing yourself to go to a party, then standing around feeling all tongue tied and embarrassed can lower your self esteem even more. The advice "they" always give is to find the other unattached quiet person and talk to them, this is the worst advice possible, it is better to try to insert yourself into a chatty group though it may seem awkward at first vs. trying to talk to someone who may be more socially awkward than you.

My advice was actually coming from my own experience. I have an anxiety disorder and I know how these things work. Nobody said anything about going to parties, there are various different things you can do....small steps such as picking up a book and reading. Going to meetings where people with the same hobbies and interests will be and going from there.

I would also recommend speaking with a therapist or guidance counselor (although I don't know how much help the second one will be). Don't jump on the anti-depressant bandwagon either, it won't solve your problems.

You sound like you're very self aware, I agree. This is great and puts you well ahead (compared to doing this sort of thing when you're older). Now you can do something about it. I'm serious, don't put it off. Small steps everyday and you'll notice improvements, it will get easier over time.

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Cheshire in Mississauga, Ontario

71 months ago

I was also horrible at making small talk and hated it with a passion. It is not always on you though to start the conversation and to keep it going. Remember that and don't put that kind of pressure on yourself.

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Endoftheworld in Glastonbury, Connecticut

71 months ago

Cheshire in Mississauga, Ontario said:

Well my advice was also based on MY own life experiences. as teen thru early 20's one could say I had SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder) -actually much later in my mid 30's I was diagnosed with such and everything from autism spectrum to schitzophrenia and every PD in the "Manual" but that's another story.
My pt. being forcing me to do ANY group activity is waay outside my comfort zone. To avoid mother's constant nagging, I was forced into various group activities which I found horrid and not useful or enriching experiences other than I learned that I really don't like people and don't fit in even with those of similar interests.
I have done singles hikes and they are like one big cocktail party/personal interview, not my cup o tea. The only thing I could ever stomach was a particular book discussion group which met monthly at a different restaurant and was pretty much all business in terms of talking solely bout the book at hand. Another book discussion group at the Library I found unbearable, before it started there was like 30 min. of just standing around, then there was refreshments after but I just took off, this moderator was not too keen on keeping the conversations related to the book at hand, it was really more of a social thing.

If I had a kid I would not force or push them to do anything, it's different if they WANT to but are AFRAID but if as in my case they actually have no desire and are only doing it to please the parents who want a "normal" kid then there is no pt. in making yourself miserable, Life is stressful enough.

I certainly am NOT more sociable now then at 17, and find small talk just as awful as then but my personality is the same and I don't know enough people to say that this can change esp, once you reach adulthood or are not self motivated. I keep reading about personal "growth" or people "working" on themselves,it's not something I have ever been motivated to pursue

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Beth in Plano in Plano, Texas

71 months ago

Does your BF think you are quite and too reserved ?

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