What is narcissism?

People with narcissistic personality disorder typically exhibit an inflated sense of self-importance. Narcissists have a deep-seated need for attention and admiration that makes them crave compliments and recognition and react poorly to any kind of criticism. They also tend to feel entitled, believing that they deserve the best office, job offers and even lunch choices, whether or not that’s actually true. In addition, narcissists commonly exhibit a lack of empathy; they often show a blatant disregard for other people’s feelings and as a result they may be rude or insulting without realizing (or caring) how they’re coming across to others.

Though it’s not uncommon to call someone who is being selfish or rude a narcissist, in reality NPD is a serious psychological disorder that can affect everything from personal relationships to professional status.

What are the four types of narcissism?

Most experts agree that there are four main types of narcissism:

• Grandiose narcissists are probably the type of narcissist we see most in movies. They are often extroverted, aggressive and single-minded in pursuit of attention. Even as they boast about their own achievements (real or imagined), they’re relentless in their verbal and sometimes even physical abuse of others. Grandiose narcissists tend to be master manipulators and come across as very charming.
• Vulnerable narcissists have many of the same traits as grandiose narcissists, but their introverted nature leads them to avoid attention. They can be self-absorbed, manipulative and aggressive, but even the slightest criticism plays into their hypersensitivity and vulnerability, leading to increased hostility. Vulnerable narcissists struggle to maintain relationships and tend to blame others for their problems.
• Communal or social narcissists need to be liked. Their desire to be seen as the best friend, the most giving and the most helpful leads them to be very outgoing, but their belief that they’re an exceptional friend and the most trustworthy person in the room translates into an extraordinary sense of entitlement.
• Malignant narcissists are extreme in their aggressiveness, even bordering on sadism. They not only don’t mind destroying people’s lives, they feed on it. This cruelty may even tip into psychopathy.

Examples of narcissism in the workplace

The first step to coping with a narcissist in the workplace is to learn how to spot examples of narcissism as they arise.

How can you tell if someone is narcissistic?

• They’re a poor loser. Narcissists may have extreme difficulty accepting failure and may sulk, argue over the rules and belittle the victors.
• They show major charisma while trying to get others to agree to a big idea or project strategy but are either unwilling or unable to follow through.
• They break rules (or even laws) with little or no remorse because they think they’re above reproach. This might mean taking an extra long lunch or it could mean siphoning off corporate funds.
• They dominate conversations with stories about their own exploits and show little interest in the successes or personal interests of others. Narcissists often have a knack for flipping the conversation back to themselves; if a colleague mentions a great sale or exciting client meeting, a narcissist might respond by talking about their last great sale or say they have an even bigger client meeting coming up.
• They take credit for the work of others and either don’t see anything wrong with their behavior or don’t care who it hurts. Narcissists may put their name on other people’s ideas because they think they’re entitled to the recognition.
• They’re obsessed with status and all the associated trappings. That means name dropping at every opportunity and mentioning things like their Ivy League degree, the pricey car they drive, the bespoke suits they wear and so on.
• They blow up when criticized and blame their shortcomings and/or mistakes on others. Even constructive criticism is seen as a blatant and unjustified attack and will likely be met with everything from excuses to outright vitriol.
• They may enjoy spreading negativity, including ridiculing their coworkers and making backhanded compliments about work habits, personal appearance or mannerisms.
• They lack empathy. Narcissists have a difficult time putting themselves in others’ shoes and may react coldly when told a sad story or even express doubt that the story is true.

Pros and cons of narcissistic leaders

Given the worrisome signs of narcissism and classic narcissistic behaviors, it’s understandable that most people have a negative view of narcissists. But Freud believed narcissism existed on a spectrum; we’re all somewhat narcissistic, and “good narcissism” can have positive results.

What are narcissists good at?

The high self-esteem and unflagging confidence some narcissists feel can be beneficial in the workplace where stress, doubt and anxiety can easily stall a budding career. The ability to sidestep potential pitfalls like depression and take professional risks with minimal fear of failure may help narcissists advance quickly.

Narcissists who believe they are a gift to mankind are often more driven to create life-changing products or implement innovative systems. The extroverted, charming nature of grandiose narcissists puts them in a prime position to not only dream up a radical concept but also convince others to get on board.

When can narcissists be problematic?

Narcissists are proof that big dreams can lead to an even bigger fall. For example, a narcissist who believes he can do no wrong may not listen to an accountant cautioning against budgetary shortfalls or an engineer who points out a flaw in the new rocket’s schematics. A narcissistic leader may fire an employee who questions their judgement.

Narcissists can also significantly damage morale, especially when narcissistic leaders make employees feel devalued. While your HR team is busy promoting teamwork, narcissists may bebelittling their colleagues, stealing ideas, making passive-aggressive wisecracks and finding dozens of other ways to suck the air out of a room.

Strategies for dealing with narcissistic employees

It’s never easy dealing with difficult employees, but managing a narcissist can be particularly tricky. Ideally, you’d be able to harness the positive attributes while minimizing the negativity. It’s helpful to try and identify which type of narcissist you’re encountering, but there are some techniques that may prove useful across the board:

• Document everything. Logging all problematic interactions and examples of narcissism in action can help protect you in the event of a major issue, and you may also be able to identify helpful patterns and potential triggers.
• Keep communication clear and direct. By avoiding open-ended questions and sticking to “yes” and “no” answers, managers can create clearer boundaries and give narcissists less room to interpret and manipulate.
• Control your own reactions. Avoid taking the behaviors of a narcissist personally. Not only can that lower your own stress, but it also gives narcissists less negativity to fuel their desire for chaos and drama.
• Don’t give into a narcissist’s demands. Many narcissists are talented negotiators because they’re able to intimidate and demand perks or accommodations without fear of reprisal. Require all deals be in writing and take time to distance yourself and think things through before agreeing to terms.
• Offer counseling. According to the Cleveland Clinic, people with NPD may seem selfish or act like they’re superior, but in reality those actions stem from low self-esteem. Directing a narcissistic employee to corporate-provided counseling may help.

Coping with narcissism in business settings can be exhausting, but by concentrating on building leadership skills and controlling your own reactions, you may be able to roll with the positives and better contend with the negatives.