What is mirroring?
Mirroring involves using the same phrases, postures and gestures as the person you’re speaking to. It often happens organically in friend groups and with couples. Young children also tend to mirror people they look up to. In work contexts, mirroring is something an interviewee, salesperson or manager might do deliberately to help build a rapport with someone they’ve only just met.
As an interviewer, if you notice an interviewee mirroring you subtly, this could be a sign they’re a skilled communicator. Combined with other signs of emotional intelligence, the ability to mirror people effectively is a positive attribute for anyone who is going to be in a people-facing position.
How does mirroring work?
This technique works because of a concept known as limbic synchrony. When people see someone adopt a posture or express an emotion, special types of neurons known as “mirror neurons” activate in their brain, triggering a response or feeling as if the watcher had performed the action themselves. This action is why some people find it difficult to be around those who are distressed and enjoy being around those who are happy.
Mirroring in interviews or other business contexts can subconsciously make the person you’re speaking to believe you’re their friend. This approach makes it easier to win them over. Since job interviews are a two-way process, mirroring is something both the interviewer and the interviewee can employ. When you practice mirroring as an interviewer, trainer or manager, you make the person you’re speaking to feel at ease, helping your interactions go more smoothly.
Tips for successful mirroring
Successful mirroring requires paying attention to the other person’s posture and mannerisms and reflecting them subtly, for example:
Reflecting their posture
In an interview, performance review or training scenario, you’ll most likely start with a relatively formal posture and expect the interviewee or team member to behave similarly. As the meeting progresses, you may wish to adopt a more relaxed posture to make the other person more comfortable, and they could do the same.
Pace and tone of speech
Talking loudly to someone else who speaks softly can come across as intimidating. Matching their tone could put them at ease. The same applies to the pace of speech. If you’re leading a meeting and aren’t pushed for time, trying to reflect the other person’s pacing can give them a subconscious feeling of talking to a friend.
If you find yourself rushing because you know the interview is at risk of overrunning, consider disclosing this rather than simply talking faster. This method will reduce the risk of the interviewee feeling dismissed or rushed by your sudden change in mannerisms.
Use of language
In job interviews or training scenarios, some use of jargon or formal language is expected. If you’re speaking to a prospective client or someone you’ve just met at a trade show, you’d want to communicate with them using similar language as them. That doesn’t mean dropping slang or emotive language. Staying professional is important. However, there’s little point in being stilted and formal or using language the other person would find confusing or intimidating.
Gestures and mannerisms
Pay attention to the gestures and mannerisms the other person uses. Perhaps they nod or tilt their head while you’re speaking or wave their hands when they’re talking. Work similar gestures into your own behavior during the conversation, but don’t overdo it.
The secret to successful mirroring is to be subtle. If you copy everything a person is doing in an exaggerated fashion, they may take that as a sign of disrespect. If you’re normally someone who sits still while listening, nod only if you actually agree. If you don’t naturally gesticulate but want to mirror someone who does, choose moments where it would make sense, such as gesturing for emphasis. Carefully selected motions will help you build a connection with the person you’re speaking to.
What should you avoid when mirroring?
Mirroring should be subtle. It’s important to avoid “copying” a person in a way that could be seen as offensive. This consideration is particularly important if you’re trying to build a diverse team and are interviewing people from different cultures. Some actions to avoid include the following:
- Copying a person’s accent
- Imitating any unusual speech patterns
- Mirroring hostile or negative visible demeanor (such as crossed arms)
- Immediate or exact copying of gestures
- Imitating tics or nervous gestures
Practice mirroring in low-stress social scenarios until you get used to doing it. If someone leans forward, crosses their legs or clasps their hands together, don’t immediately copy them. Instead, slowly shift your posture so it looks similar to theirs. This approach will be less obvious but will have a similar subconscious effect.
Other rapport-building techniques
Mirroring isn’t always appropriate. If someone is stressed or nervous, mirroring them could worsen the situation. Other rapport-building techniques may work just as well. Being mindful of your own demeanor and tone is the first step toward putting the person you’re speaking to at ease.
Active listening is also useful. Make eye contact if the person seems comfortable with it. Ask questions to ensure you’ve fully understood what the person is saying. Even if you think you’ve understood their point, try paraphrasing it back to them. This method will show them that you’ve been listening and will also give them a chance to correct anything you misunderstood. In job interviews, note how your candidate responds to final questions. Have they been paying attention during the interview? Did they research the company before coming?
Make conversations as interactive as possible. Look for areas of common ground, share stories that you think the other person may be interested in and try to use analogies that you’ll both understand. These small changes could help make communication easier. The answers a candidate gives to casual questions in a job interview can often be more informative about their suitability for a job than their technical or skills-based answers.
Mirroring at work FAQs
What is the mirroring technique?
Mirroring involves subtly copying a person’s gestures, mannerisms and speech patterns to build rapport. It’s something friends and family members often do subconsciously and can be applied deliberately in more formal situations to help people feel more comfortable.
What does it mean if someone mirrors you?
If someone is mirroring you, it could be that they’re doing so deliberately to make you feel relaxed. Alternatively, it could be a subconscious gesture indicating they feel comfortable around you and like you.
Is it appropriate to mirror in an interview?
Mirroring in an interview is commonplace and acceptable for both interviewers and interviewees. When applied subtly and appropriately, mirroring helps both parties communicate more smoothly and effectively.
What are mirror questions?
A mirror question is a question that involves restating something the person has said in an attempt to get confirmation the point was understood correctly. This technique is a form of active listening rather than mirroring but serves a similar purpose in building rapport.
